i tried to encourage my body to remember the yoga poses for the lower back that was such a relief during the days i was writing a dissertation. and the ones that k have taught, and also our yogi in the office.. the dull nagging ache is still there now, albeit less.
i stayed in a shoulder stand for a minute and a while. chin buried in my chest and slowly trying to hold a straight position. there was a moment i suddenly felt heat in my quads. my body was being pushed to work in ways it hasn't in a long time. the stomach is getting gradually rounder and i begin to feel more uncomfortable that the matter of me is not more compact. it feels like i am travelling heavy when i should be travelling light, ready to sprint, ready for a long-distance run.
something i realised recently is that when i was in my first two years of high school, i had a lot more command of presence. and i can't recall being this conscious of my physicality. it isn't about image, but just an ease in knowing the space i take up. because i was in the softball team, i was aware of the capability of my body and this influenced the rest of my life. this is something i need to rediscover. embodied prayer was not enough for me. or maybe i need to learn how to do slow movement (as opposed to strenuous) that expends a lot of energy. like the shoulder stand.
i am restless and at peace at the same time with work. i become a bit restless when i see everything ahead of me. but focusing on what is right in front of me helps me settle a little bit. somehow it is like working on the wheel... when eyes wander elsewhere, chances are, your hands will be too. but focusing on one point in the clay body, the point that you exert force, very quickly deploys energy equally with the help of the revolution of the wheel.
there are big stories happening around me right now and on less than great days it stops me from looking at mine at all. or writing mine at all. i realise that is the big problem that i can immediately impact for the better. i have to start writing my own story again. because in my writing, i do what i mean to do anyway, but better: instead of loving people through knowing their stories inside out, by also writing my own, i honour everyone around me who love me and have changed my life.
i must stay still and focus on what i can do right in the moment. my stillness is what works with the bigger revolution.
i stayed in a shoulder stand for a minute and a while. chin buried in my chest and slowly trying to hold a straight position. there was a moment i suddenly felt heat in my quads. my body was being pushed to work in ways it hasn't in a long time. the stomach is getting gradually rounder and i begin to feel more uncomfortable that the matter of me is not more compact. it feels like i am travelling heavy when i should be travelling light, ready to sprint, ready for a long-distance run.
something i realised recently is that when i was in my first two years of high school, i had a lot more command of presence. and i can't recall being this conscious of my physicality. it isn't about image, but just an ease in knowing the space i take up. because i was in the softball team, i was aware of the capability of my body and this influenced the rest of my life. this is something i need to rediscover. embodied prayer was not enough for me. or maybe i need to learn how to do slow movement (as opposed to strenuous) that expends a lot of energy. like the shoulder stand.
i am restless and at peace at the same time with work. i become a bit restless when i see everything ahead of me. but focusing on what is right in front of me helps me settle a little bit. somehow it is like working on the wheel... when eyes wander elsewhere, chances are, your hands will be too. but focusing on one point in the clay body, the point that you exert force, very quickly deploys energy equally with the help of the revolution of the wheel.
there are big stories happening around me right now and on less than great days it stops me from looking at mine at all. or writing mine at all. i realise that is the big problem that i can immediately impact for the better. i have to start writing my own story again. because in my writing, i do what i mean to do anyway, but better: instead of loving people through knowing their stories inside out, by also writing my own, i honour everyone around me who love me and have changed my life.
i must stay still and focus on what i can do right in the moment. my stillness is what works with the bigger revolution.
* * *
this song has found me just before i started the day. my mind is spinning a little from a strange dream that i have yet to fully understand and remember. p didn't want my groceries. he was on a bulldozer. i don't know what that means. but the feeling of strangeness is still on my shoulders right now.
“Where I Belong” took shape during a spontaneous moment of worship as the Lord began speaking to Cory Asbury about how He delights in us and chooses us despite our imperfections. // Watch a new acoustic version of "Where I Belong" and read Cory's full story behind the song: bethelmusic.com/blog/where-i-belong-song-story-cory-asbury
Posted by Bethel Music on Tuesday, 16 June 2015
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