wait

i dreamt about z. we were at a beach. with faceless friends. maybe some family members. it felt like a despedida of sorts. we were playing a game and he encouraged me to run across the shore, left wet and soft by low tide. i said i could see shards of glass and it's gonna get in my feet. but he ran ahead a little, saying, it's fine, let's go!

and i did get them. i was back on shore at a beach hut and started to pick them out. and things are disjointed as they are in dreams, and suddenly he was there beside me sprouting out a song. he got his 'freestyle' vibe in 2013 because he was inspired by his girlfriend and my urge to him to write songs again. someone said, you should have a handshake. and with a lot of laughter and the life of spontaneous verse i threw in some hand gestures to go with the song. i can't remember how it made sense, but i still remember the gestures: a thumbs up, a finger pointing in front of me, an upside-down sign for 3 that made a letter M. it was m for malas. we were trying to figure out how the gestures could be a handshake when my alarm went off.

my almost decade long relationship with z is something that has been on my mind recently since the unfolding of the story of k and c. and since he is planning to get married fairly soon.

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i am having a hard time focusing on writing. my brain can't seem to decide where to start.

before i conk out again and carry the weight of words i haven't written down, i shall try to lay here the most important:

waiting is sacred. my story is written by One who loves me and knows what will keep my heart alive for its fleeting purpose here on earth.

there is nothing i have to do except delight in His presence. there is no one i have to be except who i am right now. as long as my heart is set on Him.

for the days that are like the walk to Emmaus, may i not take long to recognise Him who walks with me. still, i know that if i do take a while, He will keep walking. step by step with me.

to wait is to expect, to know that something is coming.