03 - impulse

commemorating the get-my-blog-groove-back movement with an impulse post typed in the post box (i usually type in notepad, up in my room or somewhere quiet, on my laptop) !

a last-minute unconsciously-drain-kathy-meeting popped up at around 5:20 this afternoon and that found me staring out the glass wall of the PBCom Tower lobby at around 7:30pm. red luminated smudges on the rained-on cement. people rushing in cars. store signs piercing darkness. people rushing on foot.

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i have to begin pensieve-ing my memories before i forget them. let me try and pick up where i left off some one year and three months ago.

into the pensieve:

001.
the first night of pre-shepherding. i am in my white and green striped button-down shirt. i sulk in one side of the pew, staring at the marble floor. what am i doing here. what am i doing here. everyone seems to know each other except me, but i am used to that. pews fill up a little more and what they call worship begins. what are they feeling, raising their hands and standing up? i have seen this before in Living Word but i was too young to dwell on the thought. curious, but not particularly moved.

first topic - God's love. love. a sensitive topic that shoots me rudely back into vivid memories of singapore. this night is no different. in the first activity, my co-lamb, abbey, in a bright yellow shirt and multi-colored high-cut chuck taylors comes up to me and says Hi i'm Abbey! with open arms. her arms easily find her way around me and she says, God loves you! with the most cheerful disposition i have ever seen that doesn't border on obnoxious. i am glad she is my co-lamb.

that hug triggers the tear ducts. i spend the rest of the night holding them back with all my might.

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six weeks