steps are like ones on needles.
the work of my hands is temporarily suspended due to a colony of angry red islands.
God is really making me stay still.
not for rest, at least not initially. but for the truth.
it could just be an allergic reaction. but its manifestation the past 45 hours also looks exactly like a common virus that usually, only children catch. "that means your immune system is that low," the doctor said. "this is what happens when you act like a child," a voice in my head said.
he ends up selling me something that will boost my immune system double time. i could have said no and stuck out the long way. but i caught myself. i am not inconsequential. i have a life to live. the price of not taking care of myself the past two months: P2000 in boosters and multivitamins. P540 for a blood test. P530 for antihistamines. P560 in antibiotics, because as well as a virus there was a bacterial infection.
the price of not taking care of myself the past three years: an incessantly broken heart. quasi-increased threshold for stress that has come to bite me in the ass. so many headaches. tears. time wasted going round in circles in my head. a worn-down Square One. a grave lack of grit. a burnt-down home and relationships in ashes. too much pain that did not need to happen, both to me and to those close to me. the spiritually expensive question of Who am i.
Then I went down to the potter's house, and behold, he was working at the wheel. And the vessel that he was making from clay was spoiled in the hand of the potter; so he made it over, reworking it into another vessel as it seemed good to the potter to make it.
(Jeremiah 18:3-4)
make it all over.
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