examen xv

i am trying out just writing writing and if i feel it is done, i post it, and when i feel it has not been long enough, i write again. instead of succumbing to the impulse of making things neat in a post per day.

last friday's morning energiser/checkup before plansem was uncanny. while most people said they imagined new york... in my head was a collective, paraphrased memory of a real, recent past. being in a big crowded city. full of lights. not knowing what i'm doing exactly.

but more than a suitable description of my last country of residence, it was the scene in the coffeeshop that hit me. i imagined it to be my first experience of taking in my surroundings, in london. it was in wimbledon. at costa coffee. it was crowded. it was october so light coats were out. i had my moleskine and did some writing. i drew a man nearby who was by himself. i can't remember what liana was doing at the time, but we were there because my parents had gone to see a house in the area and the letting agent's car was tiny.

in the prayer... i saw His eyes. how they looked at me and saw me. His hand was warm. he was looking at me and seeing me. he is looking at me and seeing me. Lord, i ask for vision. let me see. in and beyond my circumstances.