i am grateful i was able to regulate in the individual meeting with the boss today. we talked about transitioning. it was difficult for me to accept her encouragement given the real context of things, the reality of things. i guess i can try to at least see it as a leveller - i don't allow it to put me in a very good position but i also don't completely reject it. i guess it's, taking it for what it is. not more and not less, not allowing it to pass me by but also not allowing it to take over. learning to absorb different perspectives on the same situation and allowing it to take a place. its own place. existing with all the other views. allowing it to contribute to the truth. but knowing the grounding of the core of the truth.
if i am to move forward in a good way from the present and into the future, i need to be able to see the past objectively. plainly. not be emotional. to not be emotional shouldn't mean that i am not to love. because it can mean that there is a trust that the very core of myself is love. and love is more than an emotion. it is the truth of me. so regardless of the emotions in or out of play, love is there. in fact emotions sometimes hinder love from operating in me. who am i to get in the way of the truth? if i trust that love is there, i can move.
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