making

it's the end of the workday and i am still here but taking the time that i stole from writing this morning to do this right now as i thought of it, instead of saying oh yes i need to write and scheduling it for a slightly later time.

today i tried to do more of that. less thinking. more doing. for the most part it worked. it worked in a way that was not without mistakes... but today i have managed to handle my emotions about mistakes slightly better than before.

the morning was a bit quiet and there was some tension because, i discovered when i went down to the dining table, that my lolo had a small episode of palpitations. 150 beats per minute. my parents were woken up and the doctor was called and medicine was taken. this morning lola had arrived from mass and saw the empty table and lolo's clean plate and she frantically asked where he was. she was clearly very afraid and shaken from last night's event. she was sighing and said something like, oh my good God. i remember looking at the clean plate, a plate he has used ever since i was a child. i tried to imagine what i would feel if he was gone. i couldn't.

perhaps it was this morning encounter that had also driven me to go straight into work this morning and miss my writing time.

my day was not without mistakes. i am iterating this to realise how i really feel about it. i find myself looking less at what i could have done and instead am creating the path to keep going. i am grateful for some semblance of peace in these thoughts today.

i became a bit nervous talking to parents about a program but at the same time the need for the program became very apparent and it caused my brain to focus more. i think this is valuable to realise, and also means i have to focus on learning and be aware of visualising solidly, and not just ideating thoroughly. visualising the program by writing its concept paper wasn't enough for me for some reason. maybe because i am so used to articulating (when not under distress). i have to learn to write while practising vision and manifesting it. kind of like the imagine-express-verbalise-embody framework we learned at training. but obviously it has to happen much faster. it's making in a different context. the design of programs is a language i am becoming more familiar with.

things to do when i get home:

- update trello

- notes for meeting with boss

- send out teambuilding program related things