fishing

the day has been about a lot of downloading. it is maybe a small miracle that my headache didn't persist despite me waking up with one. as i try and think back at the day it feels like i didn't get that much done though there were a lot of conversations. i cannot even remember what i got caught up doing that preoccupied me while i refreshed the blogger page 10 times to no avail. tomorrow i am promising myself to write before i go downstairs for breakfast.

there is a lot of work to do but i really need to carve out time for an hour of reading. or maybe even just thirty minutes. 

i just read. a new book of the pope's reflections. 3 pages. it didn't take long. and my soul is fed. and hunger grows. the pope talks about the encounter of Jesus Christ and how it comes in many forms. sometimes it entails painful confusion and doubt. but however it happens, whether in great joy or great pain, it leads us to greater humility. however difficult everything has been thus far, and however much it feels like God is not around because things aren't getting obviously better, this is enough. to be told that if there is humility, there is Jesus. that makes all the difficulty worth it. simon peter was shattered by sinfulness when he saw how full his nets were of fish. he had told Jesus to go away. instead, Jesus told him to not be afraid. from now on he would be catching people. perhaps i have been shattered too long. on the floor of that boat. feeling the weight of the fish, the weight of God's grace, as the weight of my sin. and i am sure that if i just looked up from the stinky floor of the fisherman's boat i would see just his feet and would be overwhelmed by love. i only have to get up. and follow. go catch some people.