7:40pm

the work day was long and i'm still here and it's nearing 7pm but it doesn't feel that tiring. maybe because of that release in energy in the afternoon, ironically. the release unblocks things in me, i feel, and dispenses whatever needs to be dispensed to allow more space for productivity. today was the program's kickoff and i don't feel i did very well. there were a lot of things i could have prepared for in a better way and i could have gone with gut instinct. i still second guess myself a lot and that has to stop.  don't want to dwell on it too much, instead, a strong resolve to 1. not second guess myself and 2. conceptualise to organise.

i am home now and trying to articulate what i am feeling. at the moment i cannot feel much more than annoyance because suddenly i have all these mosquito bites that are itchy. i don't know if i got bitten in the last few minutes of being in my room or if these bites somehow flared up only after i took off my jeans. i think i need to figure out what's wrong with the structure of my room that makes it susceptible to bugs. aside from the broken screens which is currently holding together with some tape. i also need to remember to use mosquito repellant on my body. if this even the handiwork of mosquitoes. i am reminded slightly of my christmas rash, and i seriously do not ever want to experience that again.

i don't think there are any particular outstanding feelings in me at the moment, and for the past few months. it's either a steady stable disposition or some kind of despair form helplessness.