home

in the office early today because my dad was heading out early to play tennis. i'm writing now and hoping to take these few minutes of solitude, likely to be broken by one of the other earlybird officemates.

i stayed pretty long in my morning body sculpture today. just feeling. grounding. i am tired from not having enough sleep but i am here and alive. this is what it feels like to sow seeds. to keep sowing seeds. to wait. to grow. to wait some more, and grow some more. to live fully. to be here in the present. to be alive in spite of all the death around me. 

His mercies are new every morning. 

I will heal your faithlessness and love you freely... (Hosea 14:4)

the bethel wordless album fills my soul's backpack this morning, ready to journey through the day. the piece called Forgiven sounds like a journey. it's uphill. i am a bit out of breath because of this, and partly in the excited anticipation to keep going, to see more, to learn more. it's a sunny day and the temperature is just right to counter the sun and the climb. around 17 degrees.

today is the end of another week and i have to wrap up things that aren't wrapped up. i have to make decisions so that things move forward. bless these decisions, Lord and bless these movements. as i say this the brain starts to work and starts to accumulate the thoughts that need my attention. as the music goes on i try to keep the clarity of the moment just a little bit longer. 

now is the time to be and have what i have always wanted: to be fully present, at home. 

this is home. even though i'm fumbling and bumping into furniture that i didn't know was right in front of me. even though i don't know exactly where everything is. this is home.