infect

the work day is over and it went all right. there was a new sense of rhythm today and i could see how the company could really pick up momentum. i can see the core is aligned in this sense and it is infectuous. at the moment there are just quite a few loose ends coming from one project and im trying to deduce its value. at the moment there is only one potential taker. in a way if we are catering to that one person it is possible to make it simple. however the cost to run the program may be far greater than one paying client. having just one also means there is very little socialization available unless we create that opportunity. maybe i need some courage to drop this. 

some kind of virus or bacterial infection is going through the house. i got through it okay with just a virus that turned green and eventually eased. but my mom hasnt had it and shes bren down with a fever twice now. she is getting a blood test tomorrow to make sure it's not dengue. 

in the car, v and i talked about our mothers. there seems to be an expectation that comes from both of us for our mothers to be the adult. to be taken care of. and when their issues arise we battle with the role of being a daughter and being an adult. how did i take care of my mom when she was ill? i cant remember anymore. i guess it helped she was mostly powerless throughout. but it was when she started getting better and could take control it became challenging. 

how can love take over forces of control? maybe i am also trying to prove something to my mother. it was only in the cancer period that that was perhaps absent. i wish to be able to be on that plane with my mom again. 

she is like me in a lot of ways. or rather i am like her? one day i know this will be the best thing. for now it is a challenge. we have to grow together if this is going to be better.

first day with an everyday watch today, on loan from v. it's great. she also says it is only 400 pesos so that is even better. i might buy the exact same one. i still have to get used to looking at it though.