there are days and this is one of them that i seem to not have much words to say. is there a term for being introverted from your own introversion? i feel like i need to recharge after all this.
these days i feel empty and feel the need to fill up again. i read somewhere that 'writing is closer to thinking than speaking'. at least i am on the right track.
last night v asked me about the compulsive hand activity that surfaces when i am in a stressful situation trying to articulate myself. she asked if it distracts me or if it keeps me from focus. and i realised that it actually doesn't. it doesn't keep my mind off things. if anything it seems to intensify it. hyper aware. maybe a form of hyper-arousal like our trainer talked about the past few days. i guess in a way that is a lack of focus. i was talking it out and i realised perhaps i developed this not only because i had really started using my hands to think in practice, but because also my main communication channel the past six years had been through this. through typing. through using my hands. and a lot of thinking has happened in tandem with typing, the only physical act fast enough to keep up with my thoughts.
how do i unlearn this? or how can i regulate it? maybe i need to start verbalising in the morning also instead of always just embodying (though embodying has been a revelation the past week).
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