un do

i wish i knew what these symptoms are saying. i cant decide whether to go and get checked at the doctors or power through a day at work. perhaps the former will help my productivity in the long run or even see me through next week. but the latter will address a much more immediate need.

all needs are piling up and i dont know where to start. where do i begin to correct my failures everything seems to need to happen now. yesterday. i can only try to imagine what k has been going through because a feeble attempt to answer to the same challenges and difficulties with people already has me in pieces like this right now. tomorrow perhaps i can get checked and still have half a day to work and be at meeting before that. if this is possible or practical or a decent idea at all. 

i guess right now almost nothing is practical or decent unless i suddrnly solve all problems . and God knows thats not going to happen not until something else does and that is that i sit through this and be completely powerless so that i can listen for what really needs to happen next . when i am no longer trying to do anything is when i will begin accomplishing something.