resolving

sorry, this post was done at 11:30 last nght but i didnt realise that it didnt publish!! 

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i should have gone to sleep at least an hour ago but an hour ago i was still going through work-related stuff. while i was showering i realised i don't think i turned off the aircon in the art room and i don't know the implications of this but if it's bad i would ask for the expense to be taken out of my salary. i'm imagining that room right now all freezing cold and it's ironic because all this time we thought that airconditioner was broken and was stuck on not-cold-fan-mode. and today was the first day it worked and it was kind of a miracle. then i forget about it.

tomorrow is the first day of intensive training in expressive arts and trauma integration and psychosocial support. o was saying that we would be so tired after a day that despite the early 4pm end of activities, we'd be completely spent. i'm not sure what i feel about this whole thing at the moment, i guess i am keen to learn new things and finally get a clear picture of our main product as the founder and director sees it. i am also praying that things are even just a little bit smoother than the last round of training... i hope there aren't any mistakes that i make that will trigger a worsening of the current situation.

the 'kick-off meeting' of my coaching program produced a recommendation that i begin structuring the content of this writing routine a little, starting with an end paragraph of resolution. i will consciously start this in this post. 

tonight's resolution is that given all i have thought about today and done today, tomorrow i will maintain and improve my rhythm. today's mistakes resulted in slightly less dwelling time, though the one involving ilc was dwelt upon more because i had to review the information written to accommodate different readership. and reviewing meant i began to look at the details of unironed parts, and thinking up the different possibilities.... it's like a disease that duplicates doubletime. 1 > 2 > 4 > 8 > 16 > 32 > 64 etc. 

i feel tired and sleepy right now but i think i do not feel depleted. or maybe right now i'm choosing not to feel it. i'm focusing on what needs to be done. and maybe for a while it would be good to have no feelings so i can accomplish what i need to. well, my feelings could just be contained in this space and if i deem it so, if i 'frame' it as was mentioned in coaching kickoff meeting today, then everywhere else i can make the decision to not feel and it would allow me to function up to expectation. 

i looked at linkedin today and it says i've been at this workplace for 4 months now. i don't want this to take an entire year. i won't, can't, let it happen.