one

it was a bit of a challenge to wake up but once i had made the decision to and did it, tiredness did not linger. a yawn escapes every now and then but my mind feels awake. i recently learned that draining your phone (at least for iPhones) battery and then charging it up full is not a good thing and doesn't allow the battery to recalibrate. this is unlike the advice for macbook charging. and right now maybe i can say the same for people. for me. i can't keep draining myself to empty and then expect a full charge after a few days of rest. whatever was depleted, it will be harder to retrieve or restore. this applies to my spirit and my body. because i've experienced lately great drainage in both. when the phone goes to 0%, it will take time till it turns on again while charging, depending on how long it has stayed at 0%. 

i just remembered a random scene from my dream it i was buying a drink from a bar in london. i was choosing between a bottle of rekorderlig and whatever slightly cheaper option there was, right now i can't even remember it, how strange. and at the bar they didn't have the pint bottles; instead, a weird large quantity that looked like a liter of coke in a glass bottle. she said it was £26. actually cheap for a london bar but i was there and only prepared to pay for a pint which was at the most £5. and for some reason... until now, i still remember the feeling of uncertainty. should i buy? should i not buy? isn't it a huge waste of money? i may really regret it in the future, £26 could buy me other things. it was a dream. and still there was this huge dilemma and round of indecision. and i guess that's why i still remember this part of the dream. i may have even been stressed about making the decision. 

why is that, why do i hesitate often in making a decision? why couldn't i see the value of deciding on either thing? (if i had bought a lot, i could have shared it and made people happy.) what kind of faculty in my brain is blocked or dead right now that it cannot see the good or make good out of a gut feeling, or out of intuition? today i will actively make deciions and not let anything linger in the lack of one. if i keep trying to run in two directions i will never move to anywhere.