moving

i have noticed that the orange button that represents "Write Post" has now become a kind of familiar sight, or even a friend, of late. how many days do they say again that it takes to make a habit?

today's training session was insightful. i am finding i am responding more to movement than any activities that involve words - the self-care tree for example i was not feeling very engaged with. maybe it was the scale of it. maybe crayons aren't the right tool for me. but also the words didn't move me much. however the movement was something very new for me and it is opening up something in my mind. i think i will try to run before this week ends. because it's something that i have thought about a lot but never done. but i always imagine it. running. moving forward. growing tired because of moving forward. and maybe running will help my soul move forward the same way and build up stamina and muscle the same way.

in completing the image  i noticed i was always trying to stretch away from the 'image'. i was trying to find new space. define new space. maybe it reflects the way that i am also wanting to define new space in my life. sticking to the image made me feel clutter.

it was moving how colombian hypnosis was effective. it really focused all attention to what was in front of me, and nevermind what the body had to do to maintain that vision. it reminds me of how i am when i am in a zone for the practice of reportage photography.

the visual art activity i enjoyed was today's personal safe space. i realised that i didn't draw (i dunno if this was a specific instruction but i didn't follow). i couldn't have drawn because i didn't see a picture. i saw a colour. and felt softness. i knew this was my bed and i'm very appreciative of the colours of my bed right now. my word was 'rest'. and when k's word turned out to be 'illuminate' i saw some kind of juxtaposition.

but v's word was also rest (it was interesting how this was, because her space was also a bed) and i became self-conscious and changed it. this isn't a productive process and it's a state of reaction. and it's not me. i am not a secondary decision - though i have become so adept at owning a secondary life. my second word was 'still'. i still feel this word is right. but it was right in context of my self-conscious reaction. this has to change.

v and i were talking about fasting as she drove me home and i have been thinking about this. my action is to finish reading a book. i find it difficult to think of something to give up tangibly, because i don't see a spiritual mindset when i try to do that. i have a sense of achievement. and it triggers an obsessive-compulsive, non-productive tendency. but to finish reading a book means something else for me that is a process to strengthen my spirit.

my mother has just nagged twice to have dinner although it is clear i am in the middle of something and i have said that i am just finishing it. i am irate now, a bit. this is something that also needs to change - funny how when i came home Brave was the movie they were watching on tv. a story about a mother-daughter relationship. maybe there is something in this i can fast from. like manifesting annoyance, or anything unpleasant.