move

i woke up feeling uneasy because of a dream. i can't remember it now, it escaped me as i woke up. all i remember was something not good and it was attacking the Family. i did the morning's movement and with feeling of surrendering all that had transpired in my brain prior.

my mother has not been peaceful the past two hours of this morning. and i am trying with all that i am to not be shaken by this. sometimes i wonder how different things would be if i lived alone.

my soul is silenced by the music of olafur arnalds. his music is coming at me differently now, somehow. it feels so much more alive. i started listening again this week when k mentioned using it for meditation the next day. i had said i didn't have it but could download it. it wasn't used in the end but i am grateful that it is reaching me right now in a big way.

i feel spent despite having only woken up two hours ago. there must be something in that dream that really took something from me. i am having a hard time finding any words for this morning.

despite everything i feel determined to keep moving forward. i am afraid of time passing but i also want it to pass because it means i will keep growing. moving to somewhere different, somewhere better. there is fear in me but i do not allow it to keep me frozen. the time will pass and i will grow. i know this. i believe this.