i am late again because i don't have a watch on the weekends. i will set alarms now. the weekend is over and tomorrow brings on a different rhythm. or maybe it's my choice what rhythm i experience. since tomorrow is a semi-regular work day, it's going to be the real test.
currently in conversation with k about my own pottery classes for the summer. there is a looming panic in my brain that is telling me of all the work i haven't done yet. i haven't been able to tend to this project because of all the other things that have been going on and it's proven a challenge to get materials - that reminds me, i should follow up with the central ceramic center tomorrow.
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i fell asleep attempting to write after the long conversation with k. i am grateful that she was able to not react to how i was which was panicked and starting to be defensive. afterwards i was able to sit beside myself and articulate what happened: when she started asking questions, my imagination responded to it by getting ahead of myself and thinking that the perfect answer to those questions would be a completed faci guide. but the reality is there is none. so a process began in my head of trying to bridge my own expectation and the reality of things and while my imagination tended to the perfect idea, taking away all the tools (thoughts) my brain had at its disposal to answer the questions adequately, another part of my brain was left on the front line, without any ammunition. thus, panic mode.
it helps that the trigger was pinpointed: being asked questions. it was the same when v asked me the same thing a week or so ago - if i was ready to do the classes. instead of a simple "i will be ready by the summer" it had to be a long train of thought that i would need to go here, go there, buy this, buy that, do i have budget? does work have budget? i don't think they're supposed to budget it. so do i have budget? will lolo help out? maybe i should just get the wheel made rather than buying one? but what if it's not reliable? i need to go to divisoria to buy materials for a starter kit.
wow. how annoying is that.
i am picturing dr g's lizard brain reenactment and it makes the whole thing just slightly humorous.
today is the 4th day of doing morning prayer movement and it is going well. i am less anxious in the mornings which helps with how i start things at work. it is a full week ahead so i am hoping that this will help sustain me throughout. i have a breather perhaps saturday afternoon but on sunday i am attending a baptism.
my mom didn't go to work today because she has a fever again. pareho kayo ng anak mo, my dad told her. to a certain degree he is right. this is probably why i am also so impatient with her. her cold and cough so far hasn't shown that her body is battling a virus - no green mucus or phlegm. so i am not sure what it could be. they will be going to the doctor today.
i am going to start the day now and praying for peace to stay.
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i fell asleep attempting to write after the long conversation with k. i am grateful that she was able to not react to how i was which was panicked and starting to be defensive. afterwards i was able to sit beside myself and articulate what happened: when she started asking questions, my imagination responded to it by getting ahead of myself and thinking that the perfect answer to those questions would be a completed faci guide. but the reality is there is none. so a process began in my head of trying to bridge my own expectation and the reality of things and while my imagination tended to the perfect idea, taking away all the tools (thoughts) my brain had at its disposal to answer the questions adequately, another part of my brain was left on the front line, without any ammunition. thus, panic mode.
it helps that the trigger was pinpointed: being asked questions. it was the same when v asked me the same thing a week or so ago - if i was ready to do the classes. instead of a simple "i will be ready by the summer" it had to be a long train of thought that i would need to go here, go there, buy this, buy that, do i have budget? does work have budget? i don't think they're supposed to budget it. so do i have budget? will lolo help out? maybe i should just get the wheel made rather than buying one? but what if it's not reliable? i need to go to divisoria to buy materials for a starter kit.
wow. how annoying is that.
i am picturing dr g's lizard brain reenactment and it makes the whole thing just slightly humorous.
today is the 4th day of doing morning prayer movement and it is going well. i am less anxious in the mornings which helps with how i start things at work. it is a full week ahead so i am hoping that this will help sustain me throughout. i have a breather perhaps saturday afternoon but on sunday i am attending a baptism.
my mom didn't go to work today because she has a fever again. pareho kayo ng anak mo, my dad told her. to a certain degree he is right. this is probably why i am also so impatient with her. her cold and cough so far hasn't shown that her body is battling a virus - no green mucus or phlegm. so i am not sure what it could be. they will be going to the doctor today.
i am going to start the day now and praying for peace to stay.
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